The Marriage Files – Episode 1
by Jay Bowen
The Problem with Pronouns:
Karen and I have been counseling couples for over 10 years now and we’ve learned quite a few things about our marriage and how we can effectively help other couples. We have discovered that most of the problems couples face have nothing to do with theology. Obviously, we turn to scriptures to help couples navigate life’s issues, but the root cause is not normally theologically based. Most problems come as a natural result of a man’s world cosmically colliding with the world of the woman he loves. One of the nuclear blasts we help couples survive is their problem with pronouns.
Simply put, a pronoun is a word that can be used in place of a noun. However, the problem is not with the definition but with our usage of these pronouns. Up to the time we fall in love with that special someone, our world primarily revolves around the pronouns I, me and mine. A healthy marriage demands a change. “I” must change to “us”, “mine” must change to “ours” and “me” must change to “we”. This change is necessary so that we might move from selfishness to selflessness.
Selfishness declares, “this is my money, not yours.” Selfishness says, “I want” without giving consideration to others. Selfishness doesn’t look to meet the needs of their loved one without first considering, “what about me?” Marriage doesn’t demand you lose your identity or individuality. You are a beautifully and wonderfully made person who has been gifted by God and called to worship Him and walk through life hand in hand with your spouse. Your shared life is now the priority!
There is no selfishness in our relationship with the Lord. The Bible provides a clear perspective on this subject. Galatians 2:20 says, I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. So in a selfless marriage…it is no longer “me” but “we”. God’s perfect plan for your marriage is that you share your life, share your home, share your wealth, share your strengths and weaknesses, share a life vision and walk through life as one in concert with the Lord.
Your take away: Pronouns matter! Pronouns can reveal a selfish or selfless heart.
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