The Marriage Files – Episode 8

The Marriage Files - Episode 8

“Everyday Marriage” Part 2

 

Not too long ago I received a call from a young lady wanting me to officiate her wedding. Unfortunately, I was booked and I had to decline. Before I ended the conversation, I asked her if she and her fiancé are going through pre-marital counseling. She reluctantly told me that she saw the importance of counseling but had not made a commitment to follow through. I encouraged her to make time for the counseling and make sure it was not theologically based.  You could hear a pin drop. “What did you say?” I repeated my statement and again, silence. I told her that almost all of the challenges they will face in marriage would be practical in nature. Most of their arguments will be about the kids, finances, taking the dog for a walk, whose parents they will visit at Thanksgiving and who is going to clean the toilets. Practical! Really, there is no reason these things can’t be discussed and dealt with prior to the wedding day. Every couple Karen and I meet with are given homework where they have to walk through these issues and learn to establish good marital habits. Here are some more good habits to learn.

Every day, work on your marriage. “A loving marriage is always under construction.” One of the core features of a marriage is work. We are always working to love more, give more, understand more and constantly grace our spouse with the best we have to offer.

Every day, do something simple to reflect your love. “Simply put, love is found in simplicity.” (Unknown) The holding of a hand, the opening of a door, a compliment, doing a routine chore without complaining, etc., are simple things we can do to show our love and affection. I know you like the weekend away or a lavish date, but day in and day out, it is the simple acts that shout, “I Love You!”

Every day, make sure there is an equitable distribution of chores in the house.  There are always enough things to do in the house…for both of you. Resentment can arise if one person is constantly working their fingers to the bone while the other is enjoying a time of leisure. Make household work a time of enjoyment by doing jobs together.

Every day, celebrate that you are married. “You are not marrying someone you can live with; you are marrying someone you can’t live without.” (Unknown) A testimony I hear from many couples is that they “don’t know how they could have faced life without their partner.” God has ordained our marriage to be one where we joyfully strive to meet each other’s needs and help them achieve their purpose in life.

Every day, think back on how your relationship began. The things you did to capture each other’s love are the things you need to do to keep each other’s love.  Remember how your relationship began, the joys of simply spending time together, holding hands, your first kiss, the little gifts. Don’t ever forget how your relationship started, how it grew, and the joys you experienced on your journey.

 

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Jay Bowen

Jay and his wife Karen have been around New Covenant for many years. Jay served as worship pastor before taking on the outreach efforts of the church.

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Comments

  1. Tom & Beth Luck : November 18, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    Just came upon NCC’s new and improved web site. I will search it further and read more from your marriage series. God bless you and keep up the good work. Did Mark & Mary J. ever determine where God was leading them? Beth and I were moving to Florida as it was announced that Steve Dean was would be the new pastor. Can you believe we’ve been here in Florida for over six months now? We are in a great church and in a great small group. (We call them life groups) We are continually challenged, in love, to “Go tell” and we are reaching out to many neighbors on our block with the love and Good News of Jesus. God is good……….ALL THE TIME! One of the eighty heated swimming pools here is directly across the street from us. They are all outdoor pools.

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