The Marriage Files – Episode 3

The Marriage Files - Episode 3

“The Right Stuff”


“Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person” – Unknown


Karen and I always begin premarital counseling with a session on understanding your partner’s emotional needs. We use the book “His Needs, Her Needs” as a reference to explain how they can fill their partner’s love bank (or tank) by deliberately meeting the needs of their loved one. We give the couple a simple worksheet and tell them two things: 1) use the worksheet as a tool to reveal your emotional needs to your partner and 2) realize it is incumbent upon you to meet their needs the rest of your life. This simple action helps you become the right person for your spouse.  You see, when you get married, you are giving your spouse the exclusive rights to meet your physical needs, engage in intimate conversation, provide a secure and affectionate environment, journey into the world of parenthood, etc.   It is an honor that your spouse has chosen to walk through life, live transparently and share their deepest secrets and needs with you. However, it’s your decision to reciprocate and be the right husband or wife your spouse needs you to be.


Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. “


Make a point everyday to show your spouse they are more significant than yourself and then honor them by placing their needs above your own. You will soon discover that you will reap many, many rewards in return. Make the right choice and be the right person! Choose to love and bless your spouse everyday by meeting their needs.


Jay Bowen

Jay and his wife Karen have been around New Covenant for many years. Jay served as worship pastor before taking on the outreach efforts of the church.

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